I’ve always believed that leadership isn’t just about strategy and execution but about connection. And words are the bridge.
As Adrian Gostick and I wrote in Leading With Gratitude: “When we appreciate the good, the good appreciates.” That line isn’t just folksy wisdom; I’ve watched it play out time and again with senior executives I’ve coached and those we’ve written about. Leaders who speak with intention and heartfelt gratitude ignite a ripple of engagement that keeps spreading.
But here’s the catch: your words have to be real.
People can sniff out phony praise or a vision without heart from a mile away. The magic happens when your words are both kind and true.
So where do you start shaping your words to have more impact? With awareness. That means taking a little time to get to know your team. Listen carefully to how your words land with each person. Does a certain employee spark when you ask them smart questions and challenge their thinking? Does another enjoy sharing something about themselves and their personal life, while others may be more private? When someone goes the extra mile for you, do you call it out, or do their efforts fade into the background buzz of the day?
Most importantly, after they speak with you, do your team members feel built up or knocked down?
Garry Ridge, who recently retired as CEO of the WD-40 Company and one of my all-time communication heroes, gets this better than anyone. (Yes, that’s the same WD-40 that’s sitting under your sink.) Early in Garry’s tenure he banned the word failure from the company’s vocabulary and replaced it with learning moment. Think about the shift that would create: from dread to discovery, from blame to curiosity. That single swap helped rewire the culture, making experimentation the norm and innovation a lot less scary.
Our own research echoes my friend’s lesson: praise only works when it’s specific. A generic “Nice job!” feels okay for approximately three seconds, then it evaporates. What sticks is gratitude that contains detail. Instead of “You’re great,” try something like: “The way you handled that tense call … keeping your voice calm and summarizing next steps … saved our partnership with that client. That’s living our core value of ‘ownership.’ Thanks, Emily!” See the difference? Your people will. Specificity tells team members you are paying attention, and the motivational impact is easily ten-fold.
Here are a few things to remember:
- Flip the script. In your culture, trade words that might trigger fear (i.e., failure) for ones that invite growth (learning moment).
- Get specific. As you thank people for living your culture’s values, pinpoint exactly what they did and why it mattered to the team.
Do that, and your words won’t just sound better, they’ll spark better work and deeper trust.
Now, here’s another universal truth on words I’ve learned speaking to audiences around the world: if you want your message to stick, wrap it in a story. Facts inform, but stories feel.
When I share a personal slip-up or a behind-the-scenes win with a group, the room leans in. I’ve had people quote those stories back to me months later.
So, as you think about your own leadership style, look for moments where you can weave in specific, heartfelt stories to illustrate a point. Of course, don’t make it all about you. Remember your gratitude and that a quick “Thanks for the help” is nice, but much better is “Thanks for staying late to debug that glitch, your persistence saved the launch.” Then, your words start to be unforgettable.
The strongest leaders I know treat words like power tools. Used well, they build trust and shape culture. Best yet, they encourage future above-and-beyond behavior. Used carelessly, words can strip threads and crack foundations.
So please, think before you speak, and aim for the heart. When your words are story-rich, precise, and rooted in genuine care, they do more than fill silence: they build something worth remembering.
I recently coached a leader who was off-the-charts smart. He was technically brilliant, but couldn’t connect with his team. His feedback style was blunt and lightning-fast. The unintended result was that people tiptoed around him, terrified of making a mistake. Anxiety spiked and productivity tanked.
To his credit, he leaned into our coaching sessions. We started with one simple shift: “mind the words.” He swapped sharp critiques for curious questions, led with assuming positive intent, tossed in genuine thank-yous, and framed feedback as a path to growth versus a verdict on someone’s competence.
The change was dramatic. Now, when he walks the floor, heads don’t duck. In fact, faces light up. People are eager to share their ideas with him, and employees aren’t loath to admit their missteps because they know the conversation will be about learning, not blame.
All that began with awareness. So, listen to yourself. Are your words building confidence or breeding caution?
Now it’s your turn: Who was the best leader you worked with who used words to great effect, and how did their language impact you? I’d love to hear your stories.
Chester Elton
One of today’s most influential voices in workplace trends, Elton has spent two decades helping clients engage their employees to execute on strategy, vision, and values. In his provocative, inspiring, and always entertaining talks, Elton provides real solutions to leaders looking to build culture, drive innovation, and enhance wellness. Elton’s work is supported by research with more than one million working adults, revealing the proven secrets behind high-performance cultures and teams.
He has been called the “Apostle of Appreciation” by Canada’s Globe and Mail, “creative and refreshing‚” by the New York Times, and a “must-read for modern managers” by CNN. Elton co-authored multiple award-winning bestselling leadership books, including All In, The Carrot Principle, Leading with Gratitude, and Anxiety at Work. His books have been translated into more than 30 languages and have sold more than 1.6 million copies worldwide. The Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Fast Company, and the New York Times often quote Elton. He has appeared on NBC’s Today, CNN, ABC, MSNBC, NPR, and CBS’s 60 Minutes.
Elton consistently ranked among the world’s top leadership and organizational culture experts. He co-founded The Culture Works, a global consultancy, and is a board member of Camp Corral, a non-profit for the children of wounded and fallen military heroes.
Why Chester Elton as your Executive Coach?
Chester is a Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centered Leadership (SCL) Certified Executive Coach. He uses a proven methodology of one-on-one sessions, report-outs and frequent assessment to enhance an individual’s leadership skills and effectiveness. Improvement is gauged through surveys and 360s with pre-selected colleagues, team members, and other stakeholders.
Chester provides real solutions to help leaders develop robust cultures, increase their employee engagement, and lead high-performance teams. He is a distinguished Thinkers50 Coaching Award winner and serves as a leadership consultant and executive coach to high-performing executives. A few clients are American Express, The World Bank, Zoox, momofuku, McKee, Kitsap Credit Union
For business inquiries, [email protected]. Follow The Gratitude Journal on LinkedIn.
